So this morning I woke up quite early. From the time listed on my previous post it was about 3:00am. I finally fell back asleep about 5:30am and then got back up about 7:15am. I can't seem to sleep more than eight-ish hours at a time so going to bed at 8:30pm is not a good idea anymore if I want to sleep through the entire night.
I didn't really mind being awake off and on this morning, I felt well rested so I was pretty content. Things started off very well this morning. I went with a friend down to the local shelter to help serve breakfast. Everyone down there was so nice. I met an amazing judge who has been helping out down there for over a decade. He goes to Sam's every Saturday and picks up hot breakfast items for Sunday morning to be served at the shelter. He pays for the items out of his pocket. I believe this is going to be a regular thing for me know. I usually don't work Sunday mornings so I can go down and help.
After we were all done I headed back home. When I got in I took a shower and just got ready for work. While I was getting ready I found out that I have to wait one year before I am able to give blood again... I had just had a conversation with my friend about it too because he was on his way to give a platelet donation. Well he found out today about us having to wait a year. I had gotten a tattoo back in August (Which I must add is awesome ;P) and because Nevada's parlors aren't state regulated I can't give blood right away. I feel really bad for my friend because the platelet donations are a regular thing he does... I feel really responsible because I feel I might have had a hand in him going with me. Such is life though, right? If its not one thing, it's always another. I feel I'm bad luck for people... And I don't even really believe in luck.
Anyways, I just feel awful for my friend... I feel I've ruined something that is so important to him. :'( So on top of all that wonderful news, I get to work and my manager is here waiting for me. She wanted to discuss an incident that happened over the past weekend. Basically it things just went down hill from the time I got home this morning till now.
I started this post while I was at work... Now I'm home. I'm going to just go to bed. I have class in the morning so I want to try not to be up too late. I think I need to get things in motion for me to relocate. I need to find a new job in Lincoln, and find some friends over there too... Days like these happen and I just want to pick up and move back to Las Vegas where all my friends are and I have people to talk to... Ok, enough sobbing, tomorrow is another day. Goodnight.
“Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.”
-- Samuel Johnson, English Author
“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.”
-- Henry Ford, Founder of Ford Motor Co.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Making a Difference
One thing that I have always felt strongly about is making a difference, whether it be in the town I live in, at work, or through out the world. I can only hope I am alive when the entire world becomes a better one, after positive change has overcome us all.
Something that keeps me pushing for my degree is the fact that I will be able to make a difference in a large way with it. The entire point of the engineering field is to create solutions and innovation in order to better the lives of people. There is a great organization, IRD (International Relief & Development). I was made aware of it earlier this year and the more I read about it the more I want to be apart of what they are doing. I know with my degree I will have the opportunity to actually do that, become a part of something that is truly making a difference in the world.
I have been reading this book called The Tipping Point. It is really quite interesting. I have began to see things in a different way. It is actually an amazing concept how somethings catch on and become "the thing to do" or "a must have" and others don't. This book is great at explaining and helping understand why and how this happens. I feel change is something that needs to happen... Compassion is something that needs to become a large part of world society and every day practice. Now figuring out how to make that the next big thing that sticks is a great challenge.
I haven't figured out what it is that motivates people to do things for others. I try to get people to volunteer and help with things that benefit those who are less fortunate. It is a very difficult task actually, to get people to take time out of their day to do something that benefits someone else. I am trying very hard to understand why there is the lack of interest in helping others; why people consider another's problems as not their own. By this I mean people who say, "it doesn't directly affect me, why should I care?" or "sounds like a personal problem, not mine", when they see or hear of someone suffering. People are dying every day, starving, being prosecuted, and suffering! How can another person be so dismissive of this? Why doesn't every single human want to do something about it? Why aren't we doing something about it??
I know I have no right or reason to complain about my life. I have been very fortunate to have been born into a family that cares and was able to take care of me. I am very lucky to have the opportunity to work and go to an institute of higher education. I am also fortunate to have the ability to make a difference. I am not going to let it go to waste either...
If anyone is reading this that means you have access to a computer... You are already sitting in a better position than about 80% of the world's population. That also means you have the ability to make a difference, whether it is at work, school, the community, or just at home. You can start small... Just a change in attitude goes a long way so smile, pick up some trash, help someone with groceries in the parking lot of a store, give blood, volunteer at a shelter. There are too many things that need to be and can be done to positively effect the world.
I have seen a show on tv where do different social experiments. It is appalling to watch how so many people will allow someone else to suffer and never say a word or lend a helping hand. I can only hope that this show helps bring awareness to people, and helps people to realize they have a voice and an opportunity to make a difference.
This is something I will go on and on about because it is so important to me. I know I am not anywhere near perfect in anyway. I am definitely not any kind of saint. I know that I am not worried about having a roof over my head or food to eat or clean water to drink... I have all the necessities and more. This is why I also know I have a responsibility to my fellow human beings to do what I can to help them have the same piece of mind. I don't think anyone should have to worry if they will survive another day because they don't even have access to the basic necessities to live.
"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."
~Anne Frank
"While earning your daily bread, be sure you share a slice with those less fortunate."
~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Michael Jackson's songs, "Man in the Mirror" and "We are the World" are two songs that I think everyone should know the lyrics, and not only listen, but actually hear the message...
Something that keeps me pushing for my degree is the fact that I will be able to make a difference in a large way with it. The entire point of the engineering field is to create solutions and innovation in order to better the lives of people. There is a great organization, IRD (International Relief & Development). I was made aware of it earlier this year and the more I read about it the more I want to be apart of what they are doing. I know with my degree I will have the opportunity to actually do that, become a part of something that is truly making a difference in the world.
I have been reading this book called The Tipping Point. It is really quite interesting. I have began to see things in a different way. It is actually an amazing concept how somethings catch on and become "the thing to do" or "a must have" and others don't. This book is great at explaining and helping understand why and how this happens. I feel change is something that needs to happen... Compassion is something that needs to become a large part of world society and every day practice. Now figuring out how to make that the next big thing that sticks is a great challenge.
I haven't figured out what it is that motivates people to do things for others. I try to get people to volunteer and help with things that benefit those who are less fortunate. It is a very difficult task actually, to get people to take time out of their day to do something that benefits someone else. I am trying very hard to understand why there is the lack of interest in helping others; why people consider another's problems as not their own. By this I mean people who say, "it doesn't directly affect me, why should I care?" or "sounds like a personal problem, not mine", when they see or hear of someone suffering. People are dying every day, starving, being prosecuted, and suffering! How can another person be so dismissive of this? Why doesn't every single human want to do something about it? Why aren't we doing something about it??
I know I have no right or reason to complain about my life. I have been very fortunate to have been born into a family that cares and was able to take care of me. I am very lucky to have the opportunity to work and go to an institute of higher education. I am also fortunate to have the ability to make a difference. I am not going to let it go to waste either...
If anyone is reading this that means you have access to a computer... You are already sitting in a better position than about 80% of the world's population. That also means you have the ability to make a difference, whether it is at work, school, the community, or just at home. You can start small... Just a change in attitude goes a long way so smile, pick up some trash, help someone with groceries in the parking lot of a store, give blood, volunteer at a shelter. There are too many things that need to be and can be done to positively effect the world.
I have seen a show on tv where do different social experiments. It is appalling to watch how so many people will allow someone else to suffer and never say a word or lend a helping hand. I can only hope that this show helps bring awareness to people, and helps people to realize they have a voice and an opportunity to make a difference.
This is something I will go on and on about because it is so important to me. I know I am not anywhere near perfect in anyway. I am definitely not any kind of saint. I know that I am not worried about having a roof over my head or food to eat or clean water to drink... I have all the necessities and more. This is why I also know I have a responsibility to my fellow human beings to do what I can to help them have the same piece of mind. I don't think anyone should have to worry if they will survive another day because they don't even have access to the basic necessities to live.
"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."
~Anne Frank
"While earning your daily bread, be sure you share a slice with those less fortunate."
~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Michael Jackson's songs, "Man in the Mirror" and "We are the World" are two songs that I think everyone should know the lyrics, and not only listen, but actually hear the message...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Move or Stay...
So one big issue I am facing right now is the decision whether to actually relocate to Lincoln, or stay and continue the one hour commute every day to class. The original plan was to commute. Since I am only working part time on the weekends in order to have more time to concentrate on school, I am a bit stressed over finances. It is very difficult going from working full time and having normal bills and responsibilities to working part time with the same bills and responsibilities. Basically I have the same debt and less than half the income. It’s funny how I am suppose to be focusing solely on school, but I have so many other things that just prevent that from happening.
Gas costs a bit when driving two hours Monday through Friday, and the driving back and forth from work on the weekends costs too. (My work is across town from my house, at least a 20 min drive each way.) So, if I move to Lincoln and rent a cheap little efficiency apartment one block away from campus I don't have to drive as much. What I will not be paying in gas will go towards rent each month. This would make complete sense if I was even able to comfortably afford the situation now. I don't think actually moving there will assist in the deterring of the financial worry.
Now living so close to campus would help with the focus. By the time I get home now, I am exhausted from such a long day of driving and class. While living there I will be able to study right away after class without feeling the need to rush and head home before it gets too late and dark. Also, this would give me the opportunity to participate in more activities on campus.( i.e. clubs, seminars, volunteer activities. ) My advisor believes this is the best avenue, he says I need to become more emerged in the culture. Either way, I'm not too worried about becoming a fully campus- involved student; I just want to be in the most logical position to successfully finish school with a degree.
There are so many factors to think about I'm not completely sure what the best choice is at this moment. I would continue to commute if I had something to keep me here. Since I don't really have any friends in Lincoln, it would be quite lonely. However, I don't really have that many friends (that I actually see or hang out with) here so I guess that wouldn't really matter either. Originally in the beginning of the semester I was dead set on never moving to Lincoln. Though the subject of relocating had come up a couple times, I had no intention of actually going. I expected to still be dating my boyfriend at the time and actually be seeing him more than once a week. Even if we were still together, I'm pretty confident that it wouldn't have had an effect at all on how much we saw each other if I had moved to Lincoln. Either way, the fact is now that I don't have a boyfriend anymore, and no one trying to talk me into not moving. So basically I have no reason not to move to Lincoln.
I get so distracted sometimes and I forget the whole point of my residency here in the Midwest is to finish school. With that in mind I guess since moving to Lincoln would help with the focus that just may truly be the best decision. Though I'm so torn, mostly because I have hopes of someone declaring his love for me and wanting to be with me, the logical decision is to continue down the path of least resistance to finish school. That would definitely be moving closer to campus.
It is so funny how so many different avenues are presented when something important is hanging in the midst. Make an emotional decision, a logical decision, wise decision, or bad decision; either way something is sacrificed in hopes of something else being gained. With my luck, with the way I normally do things, whatever I end up sacrificing probably won’t make the gain on the other side any easier. Ugh… If only I had gone straight through school from the very beginning rather than following my heart out to Vegas. Funny that this statement is always what plays in my head when I am trying to get through classes now. I guess if I don’t just move and I try to stay here because my heart wants to I’ll be saying the same thing again another five years down the road… :(
"This time like all times is a very good one if we but know what to do with it."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.”
- Mark Twain
Gas costs a bit when driving two hours Monday through Friday, and the driving back and forth from work on the weekends costs too. (My work is across town from my house, at least a 20 min drive each way.) So, if I move to Lincoln and rent a cheap little efficiency apartment one block away from campus I don't have to drive as much. What I will not be paying in gas will go towards rent each month. This would make complete sense if I was even able to comfortably afford the situation now. I don't think actually moving there will assist in the deterring of the financial worry.
Now living so close to campus would help with the focus. By the time I get home now, I am exhausted from such a long day of driving and class. While living there I will be able to study right away after class without feeling the need to rush and head home before it gets too late and dark. Also, this would give me the opportunity to participate in more activities on campus.( i.e. clubs, seminars, volunteer activities. ) My advisor believes this is the best avenue, he says I need to become more emerged in the culture. Either way, I'm not too worried about becoming a fully campus- involved student; I just want to be in the most logical position to successfully finish school with a degree.
There are so many factors to think about I'm not completely sure what the best choice is at this moment. I would continue to commute if I had something to keep me here. Since I don't really have any friends in Lincoln, it would be quite lonely. However, I don't really have that many friends (that I actually see or hang out with) here so I guess that wouldn't really matter either. Originally in the beginning of the semester I was dead set on never moving to Lincoln. Though the subject of relocating had come up a couple times, I had no intention of actually going. I expected to still be dating my boyfriend at the time and actually be seeing him more than once a week. Even if we were still together, I'm pretty confident that it wouldn't have had an effect at all on how much we saw each other if I had moved to Lincoln. Either way, the fact is now that I don't have a boyfriend anymore, and no one trying to talk me into not moving. So basically I have no reason not to move to Lincoln.
I get so distracted sometimes and I forget the whole point of my residency here in the Midwest is to finish school. With that in mind I guess since moving to Lincoln would help with the focus that just may truly be the best decision. Though I'm so torn, mostly because I have hopes of someone declaring his love for me and wanting to be with me, the logical decision is to continue down the path of least resistance to finish school. That would definitely be moving closer to campus.
It is so funny how so many different avenues are presented when something important is hanging in the midst. Make an emotional decision, a logical decision, wise decision, or bad decision; either way something is sacrificed in hopes of something else being gained. With my luck, with the way I normally do things, whatever I end up sacrificing probably won’t make the gain on the other side any easier. Ugh… If only I had gone straight through school from the very beginning rather than following my heart out to Vegas. Funny that this statement is always what plays in my head when I am trying to get through classes now. I guess if I don’t just move and I try to stay here because my heart wants to I’ll be saying the same thing again another five years down the road… :(
"This time like all times is a very good one if we but know what to do with it."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.”
- Mark Twain
Friday, November 5, 2010
Another Exciting Weekend!
So today kicks off another exciting weekend for me! I over slept this morning and missed my first class. This seems to becoming a trend unfortunately. I guess I get burnt out easily... Either my hopes and expectations are disappointed or I just get bored when things become monotonous. Either way, that is something that is on the list of "My things to work on" :).
So by the time I finally made it to campus I had to go straight to my advisor's office for a meeting. We discussed my classes for next semester. I have quite the schedule ahead of me! Two electrical classes and a lab, differential equations, possibly physics III, and an independent study course. We'll see how it all jives together though, I will be registering for classes this evening. The meeting with my advisor was very productive. I am getting excited again about school. This semester was pretty tough so getting excited again is something big for me. I think I'm getting the hang of studying, or at least beginning to somewhat figure out ways that help. Anyways, so today was pretty good to head into the weekend.
After my meeting with my advisor and my afternoon class were both over I headed back home. I had to get back home to babysit my little sister. That means tonight is a quite chill night at home. We'll have a pajama party in the living room and watch my favorite movie, Charlotte's Web :). These nights with my little sister are always nice because I missed a lot of the beginning of her life. It helps me feel like I'm making up for lost time.
Tomorrow I work my normal morning shift at the hospital. I hope it isn't as crazy busy as last weekend. It is never good to be busy in the ER because then that means either lots of people are sick or hurt, which is never good. Tomorrow hopefully the weather will be nice as well because I am hoping to go ride with the guys after work. I have recently found a group of guys who have crotch rockets like me and they ride a lot. It's great because until now I haven't had anyone to ride with, and it isn't much fun riding around alone all the time.
Tomorrow evening will be another early one. I don't have to work the overnight shift, which is great! I'm going to probably read a lot and try to study a bit... or a lot. Sunday morning I am going to go help one of my friends so an early night Saturday is good. Sunday will begin quite early. After I'm done in the morning I have to work again at three. Once again, I really hope Sunday isn't as bad as it was on Halloween...
There are so many things I have to juggle with school. These things all have an effect, whether positive or negative on my success each semester. The main things I need to work out in order to begin doing well aren't things I am able to just fix overnight. Most of it is just worrying on my part about things... Things such as the development of my Rotaract Club of which I am the president. It was just started earlier this year so we are trying to develop into a strong group. I just can't seem to get people motivated. I worry about this a lot. Another thing living rent free in my mind every day would be lack of time and money to do things that could make a difference. I don't want to get into that one too much because its more upsetting than comforting to talk about issues I feel strongly about. Before when I lived in Vegas I was able to do so much more than I am able to here. I just need to keep telling myself when I get done with school I will then have the credentials to do even more than I ever have to make the difference I need to.
There are so many other distractions that keep my attention, but I am slowly but surely eliminating them. Like I said before these things can't be just taken care of over night... Love, money, time, and resources: All things that will probably be a factor until I am finally done with my degree. Hopefully by the time I am done they are down to some sort of manageable size and order. Either way, anyone following my blog will see how everything comes to light :). I'll figure it all out though... Focus, organization, time and money management, and studying. All things that must be accomplished, and will. ;)
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."
~Goethe
So by the time I finally made it to campus I had to go straight to my advisor's office for a meeting. We discussed my classes for next semester. I have quite the schedule ahead of me! Two electrical classes and a lab, differential equations, possibly physics III, and an independent study course. We'll see how it all jives together though, I will be registering for classes this evening. The meeting with my advisor was very productive. I am getting excited again about school. This semester was pretty tough so getting excited again is something big for me. I think I'm getting the hang of studying, or at least beginning to somewhat figure out ways that help. Anyways, so today was pretty good to head into the weekend.
After my meeting with my advisor and my afternoon class were both over I headed back home. I had to get back home to babysit my little sister. That means tonight is a quite chill night at home. We'll have a pajama party in the living room and watch my favorite movie, Charlotte's Web :). These nights with my little sister are always nice because I missed a lot of the beginning of her life. It helps me feel like I'm making up for lost time.
Tomorrow I work my normal morning shift at the hospital. I hope it isn't as crazy busy as last weekend. It is never good to be busy in the ER because then that means either lots of people are sick or hurt, which is never good. Tomorrow hopefully the weather will be nice as well because I am hoping to go ride with the guys after work. I have recently found a group of guys who have crotch rockets like me and they ride a lot. It's great because until now I haven't had anyone to ride with, and it isn't much fun riding around alone all the time.
Tomorrow evening will be another early one. I don't have to work the overnight shift, which is great! I'm going to probably read a lot and try to study a bit... or a lot. Sunday morning I am going to go help one of my friends so an early night Saturday is good. Sunday will begin quite early. After I'm done in the morning I have to work again at three. Once again, I really hope Sunday isn't as bad as it was on Halloween...
There are so many things I have to juggle with school. These things all have an effect, whether positive or negative on my success each semester. The main things I need to work out in order to begin doing well aren't things I am able to just fix overnight. Most of it is just worrying on my part about things... Things such as the development of my Rotaract Club of which I am the president. It was just started earlier this year so we are trying to develop into a strong group. I just can't seem to get people motivated. I worry about this a lot. Another thing living rent free in my mind every day would be lack of time and money to do things that could make a difference. I don't want to get into that one too much because its more upsetting than comforting to talk about issues I feel strongly about. Before when I lived in Vegas I was able to do so much more than I am able to here. I just need to keep telling myself when I get done with school I will then have the credentials to do even more than I ever have to make the difference I need to.
There are so many other distractions that keep my attention, but I am slowly but surely eliminating them. Like I said before these things can't be just taken care of over night... Love, money, time, and resources: All things that will probably be a factor until I am finally done with my degree. Hopefully by the time I am done they are down to some sort of manageable size and order. Either way, anyone following my blog will see how everything comes to light :). I'll figure it all out though... Focus, organization, time and money management, and studying. All things that must be accomplished, and will. ;)
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."
~Goethe
Vodka Tonic
So recently I have changed my drink of choice to vodka tonic rather than budlight. There really is no creative reasoning behind the decision, other than the fact that beer makes you fat. In recent months I have began running quite a bit and lost twenty pounds in the past six months or so. So sticking to the vodka tonic makes me feel that I can enjoy having a drink without worrying about it messing up all my hard work.
Quite frankly, the change in drinks is almost like a reflection on my life...
Before I moved to the great state of Nebraska I was living in Las Vegas, NV. The entire time I was there I worked two fulltime jobs, went to school, (usually starting out the semester with a full load of classes and only finishing with a partial load.) hung out with friends, and traveled every chance I got. The last year or so I was there, I finally got down to working only one job. I began drinking just about every day. I got pretty chunky. Budlight was my drink then. I got so fed up with my life that I decided to make the change. I quit my job, didn't sign a new lease for my apartment, called my dad, and made the arrangements to move to Nebraska. I told everyone it was to finish school. That was actually the second reason I decided to move. The first was for a completely different reason.
Basically, I have been here three years in January. I am not really all that close to finishing my degree (at least not as close as I expected to be), and I have made several pretty big changes since I have been here to my life. Number one change, that I made recently this year, I quit smoking. Something happened in the beginning of the year that scared me so bad I couldn't stand to do it anymore. Now I have fallen off the wagon a couple times, but I am pretty proud of myself for cutting it out as much as I have. I am sure by next year there will be no more falling off the wagon for me. Smoking use to be an avenue to deal with stress. I am learning new ways to deal with stessors now. They are working for the most part. Second big change I made was running. I decided I couldn't continue on the path I was going down. My job doesn't require too much activity. I needed something to get me moving. I lost weight, got back into shape, and added something on my list to help deal with issues.
Now I have only had three real boyfriends up until this year. And by "real boyfriends" I mean not just phone boyfriends I had in grade school or junior high, or even the two week "flings" in high school. I mean real boyfriends where you actually see each other on a regular basis. Now the first of those three is my high school sweet heart. He and I were together off and on from sixth grade I believe up until about three years after graduation. The other two were complete opposite from each other and from my first. Its funny how that happens... They were both much older than myself. The point is, every time I do things I have to do it differently each time. I do one thing, think I learn something, try something else, hope I learn something, then jump into something completely different.
This year I tried something different again. A fourth boyfriend, mentioned I believe in one of my firsts posts... The grade school friend that I reconnected with. This is really actually quite funny how the story goes. Basically, he is my vodka tonic. Since my first boyfriend, I only really thought with each preceding, that I was significantly changing my choice in guys. Well, there is something that ties them all together really. They were all unavailable, in one sense of the word or another. Now with the boyfriend this year I THOUGHT once again this was different. And in so many ways it really was! From budlight to vodka tonic... The first person I could honestly say I dated with hopes of something long term happening. I thought there was so much potential for a great future. I was happy, and not just some or most of the time, but all the time. Friends noticed, family noticed, I noticed... It's kind of crazy how one person can have such a profound effect on you that people actually notice a change. The relationship was normal, healthy, and fun. The point is, vodka tonic and budlight, no matter what, they are both alcohol. One just makes you fatter than the other more quickly...
I have a very difficult time focusing on simple things in life. I forget things, I don't do things because I get distracted doing something else... Because I have become this ridiculously hopeless romantic it clouds everything even more these days. School is the priority at this moment in my life. However, I have now created this crazy distraction for myself. I try very hard to not think about all the what if's, but I can't help it. I guess I'm just at the age where I feel I am going to be too old and miss my time. Maybe its human nature?
I'm sure all this makes no sense to anyone but myself, but this is why I'm blogging. I have to get it out of my head so its not bouncing around up there anymore. If my thoughts and feelings are going to be so jumbled I'd rather them be jumbled here than in my mind.
Anyways, I had a test tonight at school. This was a pretty important test for me, for the semester. After I finished my test, I headed home. When I got back into town I went and had a few vodka tonics.
Love, unrequited, robs me of my rest:
Love, hopeless love, my ardent soul encumbers:
Love, nightmare-like, lies heavy on my chest,
And weaves itself into my midnight slumbers!
-William S. Gilbert
Quite frankly, the change in drinks is almost like a reflection on my life...
Before I moved to the great state of Nebraska I was living in Las Vegas, NV. The entire time I was there I worked two fulltime jobs, went to school, (usually starting out the semester with a full load of classes and only finishing with a partial load.) hung out with friends, and traveled every chance I got. The last year or so I was there, I finally got down to working only one job. I began drinking just about every day. I got pretty chunky. Budlight was my drink then. I got so fed up with my life that I decided to make the change. I quit my job, didn't sign a new lease for my apartment, called my dad, and made the arrangements to move to Nebraska. I told everyone it was to finish school. That was actually the second reason I decided to move. The first was for a completely different reason.
Basically, I have been here three years in January. I am not really all that close to finishing my degree (at least not as close as I expected to be), and I have made several pretty big changes since I have been here to my life. Number one change, that I made recently this year, I quit smoking. Something happened in the beginning of the year that scared me so bad I couldn't stand to do it anymore. Now I have fallen off the wagon a couple times, but I am pretty proud of myself for cutting it out as much as I have. I am sure by next year there will be no more falling off the wagon for me. Smoking use to be an avenue to deal with stress. I am learning new ways to deal with stessors now. They are working for the most part. Second big change I made was running. I decided I couldn't continue on the path I was going down. My job doesn't require too much activity. I needed something to get me moving. I lost weight, got back into shape, and added something on my list to help deal with issues.
Now I have only had three real boyfriends up until this year. And by "real boyfriends" I mean not just phone boyfriends I had in grade school or junior high, or even the two week "flings" in high school. I mean real boyfriends where you actually see each other on a regular basis. Now the first of those three is my high school sweet heart. He and I were together off and on from sixth grade I believe up until about three years after graduation. The other two were complete opposite from each other and from my first. Its funny how that happens... They were both much older than myself. The point is, every time I do things I have to do it differently each time. I do one thing, think I learn something, try something else, hope I learn something, then jump into something completely different.
This year I tried something different again. A fourth boyfriend, mentioned I believe in one of my firsts posts... The grade school friend that I reconnected with. This is really actually quite funny how the story goes. Basically, he is my vodka tonic. Since my first boyfriend, I only really thought with each preceding, that I was significantly changing my choice in guys. Well, there is something that ties them all together really. They were all unavailable, in one sense of the word or another. Now with the boyfriend this year I THOUGHT once again this was different. And in so many ways it really was! From budlight to vodka tonic... The first person I could honestly say I dated with hopes of something long term happening. I thought there was so much potential for a great future. I was happy, and not just some or most of the time, but all the time. Friends noticed, family noticed, I noticed... It's kind of crazy how one person can have such a profound effect on you that people actually notice a change. The relationship was normal, healthy, and fun. The point is, vodka tonic and budlight, no matter what, they are both alcohol. One just makes you fatter than the other more quickly...
I have a very difficult time focusing on simple things in life. I forget things, I don't do things because I get distracted doing something else... Because I have become this ridiculously hopeless romantic it clouds everything even more these days. School is the priority at this moment in my life. However, I have now created this crazy distraction for myself. I try very hard to not think about all the what if's, but I can't help it. I guess I'm just at the age where I feel I am going to be too old and miss my time. Maybe its human nature?
I'm sure all this makes no sense to anyone but myself, but this is why I'm blogging. I have to get it out of my head so its not bouncing around up there anymore. If my thoughts and feelings are going to be so jumbled I'd rather them be jumbled here than in my mind.
Anyways, I had a test tonight at school. This was a pretty important test for me, for the semester. After I finished my test, I headed home. When I got back into town I went and had a few vodka tonics.
Love, unrequited, robs me of my rest:
Love, hopeless love, my ardent soul encumbers:
Love, nightmare-like, lies heavy on my chest,
And weaves itself into my midnight slumbers!
-William S. Gilbert
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Tuesday... Wednesday... Thursday
So it seems I am not the professional blogger I had hoped to be. School has been crazy this week. I have been working a lot and stay late on campus trying to study and get homework done...
Tuesday I only have one class in the morning. This is a great thing because that gives me all day to be free and catch up on anything I need to for the rest of the week! Well, this is also the only day that works for my independent research sensei for me to go work with him on the wind turbines. So this past Tuesday we went out and assembled a turbine at a community college there in Lincoln... We were mounting the blades onto the turbine when they fell and the structure of one of the blades were compromised. This was not a good thing. (luckily it wasn't my fault this time! ;)) So we had to run back to campus, pick up a spare set of blades, and run them back to the community college. We didn't have time to swap them out so we had to postpone completing the installation until Wednesday. So after the day full of exciting wrench turning, I headed home. I was suppose to stay and study but I had completely forgotten I had an officers' meeting of a community club, in which I am the president, to attend. So I got back into town in time to head over to the meeting. The meeting ran a bit late so by the time I got home I was exhausted. I did some homework that was due Wednesday morning in class and then crashed.
Wednesday i have class in the mornings at 10:30a. Every Wednesday now in this class I have homework due and a quiz. Content-wise, this is my favorite class now. We have only been in this particular class, covering this material with this professor since mid semester. The first half of the semester was another professor, while I have nothing against him, his part of the class was incredibly time wasting and obnoxious. So anyways, I went to class Wednesday morning, it was great! The quiz was simple and I rocked it! :D
After my morning class I had to go back out to the community college to swap out the turbine blades from the day before. That only took about ten minutes in all to actually change the blades. LES, the local power company, was going to return with his truck to mount it later in the afternoon. They said they would wait for me to get out of my later class so I could be there through the end. (Which was so nice!) So after we got the blades done and ready to mount I went back to campus for my afternoon class. After class I returned, we got the turbine up and mounted, and all went well for my very first wind turbine installation! :D Now that the turbine was mounted, we had to level it at the base as well as at the top. So, I pulled out the trusty labtop and popped in the disc with the program that talks with the antenna on top of the turbine. This was a very interesting process. Its all common sense stuff, just what you would expect; however, with the wind blowing and gusting up to 20 mph, it's a bit difficult to level the top of a turbine. We eventually got it! :D
I believe I will be in the paper of the... Lincoln Sun maybe?? They sent out a newspaper guy to take pictures and he got our names and all. Pretty cool stuff. :) After all that I went to the student union and studied and did homework until about 11 pm. I finally returned home about midnight last night. That was a long day... I have a couple people to study with now, so hopefully this will help improve my study skills (which is the goal of the semester) and my grades!
Today is Thursday... What a lovely day! I have not gotten out of bed yet and it is about 20 till 3pm... I did not go to class this morning because I wasn't able to get to sleep until very late last night, or this morning I should say. I have a test this evening at 7p. I had planned on getting up this morning and studying all day, but that hasn't happened. This test is a big one. It will essentially to either the nail in the coffin or my saving grace for this class. I have decided to go into it with a different attitude this time. No matter what happens I will be retaking this class, even if I do pass with a C. So, with that in mind I am not going to freak out and put tons of pressure on myself as I have going into the first two tests. After all, the odds of me doing rocking awesome are pretty slim to none, and all the stress is wearing me out.
So now that I have caught you up, nothing too exciting except my very first wind turbine installation has happened this week. I still have a couple days. I won't go into all the excitement from work residual of the weekend madness... That is a whole other alternate reality in itself! Drama, something I try to stay out of, but people seem to not be able to live with out it...
Anyways, out of bed now. Time to get dressed and head to Lincoln. I'll just go do some homework problems and study until the test. Oh yes! And I came across this fun quote too I'd like to share!
"I'm not cynical. Just experienced."
-Unknown
I think this is funny because I have been called a cynical person on numerous occasions... This does make sense as to why I view things in the way I do! :D
Tuesday I only have one class in the morning. This is a great thing because that gives me all day to be free and catch up on anything I need to for the rest of the week! Well, this is also the only day that works for my independent research sensei for me to go work with him on the wind turbines. So this past Tuesday we went out and assembled a turbine at a community college there in Lincoln... We were mounting the blades onto the turbine when they fell and the structure of one of the blades were compromised. This was not a good thing. (luckily it wasn't my fault this time! ;)) So we had to run back to campus, pick up a spare set of blades, and run them back to the community college. We didn't have time to swap them out so we had to postpone completing the installation until Wednesday. So after the day full of exciting wrench turning, I headed home. I was suppose to stay and study but I had completely forgotten I had an officers' meeting of a community club, in which I am the president, to attend. So I got back into town in time to head over to the meeting. The meeting ran a bit late so by the time I got home I was exhausted. I did some homework that was due Wednesday morning in class and then crashed.
Wednesday i have class in the mornings at 10:30a. Every Wednesday now in this class I have homework due and a quiz. Content-wise, this is my favorite class now. We have only been in this particular class, covering this material with this professor since mid semester. The first half of the semester was another professor, while I have nothing against him, his part of the class was incredibly time wasting and obnoxious. So anyways, I went to class Wednesday morning, it was great! The quiz was simple and I rocked it! :D
After my morning class I had to go back out to the community college to swap out the turbine blades from the day before. That only took about ten minutes in all to actually change the blades. LES, the local power company, was going to return with his truck to mount it later in the afternoon. They said they would wait for me to get out of my later class so I could be there through the end. (Which was so nice!) So after we got the blades done and ready to mount I went back to campus for my afternoon class. After class I returned, we got the turbine up and mounted, and all went well for my very first wind turbine installation! :D Now that the turbine was mounted, we had to level it at the base as well as at the top. So, I pulled out the trusty labtop and popped in the disc with the program that talks with the antenna on top of the turbine. This was a very interesting process. Its all common sense stuff, just what you would expect; however, with the wind blowing and gusting up to 20 mph, it's a bit difficult to level the top of a turbine. We eventually got it! :D
I believe I will be in the paper of the... Lincoln Sun maybe?? They sent out a newspaper guy to take pictures and he got our names and all. Pretty cool stuff. :) After all that I went to the student union and studied and did homework until about 11 pm. I finally returned home about midnight last night. That was a long day... I have a couple people to study with now, so hopefully this will help improve my study skills (which is the goal of the semester) and my grades!
Today is Thursday... What a lovely day! I have not gotten out of bed yet and it is about 20 till 3pm... I did not go to class this morning because I wasn't able to get to sleep until very late last night, or this morning I should say. I have a test this evening at 7p. I had planned on getting up this morning and studying all day, but that hasn't happened. This test is a big one. It will essentially to either the nail in the coffin or my saving grace for this class. I have decided to go into it with a different attitude this time. No matter what happens I will be retaking this class, even if I do pass with a C. So, with that in mind I am not going to freak out and put tons of pressure on myself as I have going into the first two tests. After all, the odds of me doing rocking awesome are pretty slim to none, and all the stress is wearing me out.
So now that I have caught you up, nothing too exciting except my very first wind turbine installation has happened this week. I still have a couple days. I won't go into all the excitement from work residual of the weekend madness... That is a whole other alternate reality in itself! Drama, something I try to stay out of, but people seem to not be able to live with out it...
Anyways, out of bed now. Time to get dressed and head to Lincoln. I'll just go do some homework problems and study until the test. Oh yes! And I came across this fun quote too I'd like to share!
"I'm not cynical. Just experienced."
-Unknown
I think this is funny because I have been called a cynical person on numerous occasions... This does make sense as to why I view things in the way I do! :D
Monday, November 1, 2010
Monday... Monday....
It is the first day of November. October had a beautiful and exciting ending! It is definitely looking and feeling like fall. This is my favorite season! I wish it was fall year-round. I love the smells of fall... The fireplaces lit, the trees changing colors and losing their leaves. I absolutely just love it all!
Today should have been the beginning of getting things back track, but of course it wasn't... This morning I was so exhausted from the crazy busy weekend and incredibly busy day at work last night that I didn't hear my alarm go off this morning. I missed my first class of the day. Since I missed it, I figured there was no reason to rush to Lincoln so I just fell back asleep... Then I got up to go to my second class and got distracted! Basically I missed that one too.
I did however manage to get there on time for my appointment to view some more apartments. I got to see three that weren't ready to show. Two out of the three are the only ones with potential.. One has wooden floors, but not a lot of floor space. The other has dark brown carpet, but has a lot more open space to work with. I'm not sure which one I want. The one with carpet is on the University side of the building so it won't be a problem picking up the school's wireless. The one with the wooden floors are on the other side of the building, but isn't directly above the restaurant's kitchen that is in the bottom of the building. I am going to have to go back and look at them again... I really, really like the wood floors. What if there is a huge spider on the floor and I can't see it because the carpet is that dark brown?? (Seriously, that is the only thing holding me back from that apartment.)
Anyways, so after apartment searching I walked back to campus and went up to the Alternative Energy Lab. This is where I am working on a machine project for one of the PhD students. She actually just gave her dissertation Friday, and is moving to Denmark this next week. I am inheriting this thing and will hopefully finish it by the end of the semester. I have been taking lots of pictures of my progress because I am getting credit for my work. So anyways, I worked on some stuff until about 7:30 pm. Then a friend who is in all my classes came up to the lab and we worked on homework for one of our Engineering classes. We stopped about 9:30-ish and I headed back home.
On the drive home I gave my grandmother a call. Her birthday was yesterday, Halloween. :) I hadn't had a chance to call her because I was working all day and didn't get off until late. We had a great conversation during my hour drive home, ending it right as I pulled into the driveway of my house. I love my grandmother. I wish I was able to see her more often and have long conversations with her about life, school, and the world more often too.
After I got settled in at home my phone rings again. To my surprise, it is the ex boyfriend from sin city. We always have great conversations, it usually consists of me telling him what to do and him telling me I'm right. I think they go pretty well! ;) Anyways, I hope I helped. I have this thing about fixing people... I know I can't change them all. Though my Motto should have always been: "Fixing the World, One Boyfriend at a Time"... lol. Seriously though, I use to only date those who I thought needed fixing. Ha, I guess somethings never change! Even after three years I'm still trying to help. I just really hope things eventually work out. He, like everyone, is the only person who can really change his life.
So today was not too eventful. Tomorrow I am going to put up my first wind turbine at a community college by Lincoln. I can't wait! I took lots of pictures when we put up the MET tower. I am going to take tons of pictures installing this turbine. It's good to work. When I work I keep my mind occupied and I don't focus on things that aren't going the way I want. Busy is always a good thing for me, otherwise my mind goes in about a million different directions and that's when I get my self in trouble.
Oh and I found a new quote today!
"Never look down on anybody, unless you are going to help them up."
- Rev. Jesse Jackson
Today should have been the beginning of getting things back track, but of course it wasn't... This morning I was so exhausted from the crazy busy weekend and incredibly busy day at work last night that I didn't hear my alarm go off this morning. I missed my first class of the day. Since I missed it, I figured there was no reason to rush to Lincoln so I just fell back asleep... Then I got up to go to my second class and got distracted! Basically I missed that one too.
I did however manage to get there on time for my appointment to view some more apartments. I got to see three that weren't ready to show. Two out of the three are the only ones with potential.. One has wooden floors, but not a lot of floor space. The other has dark brown carpet, but has a lot more open space to work with. I'm not sure which one I want. The one with carpet is on the University side of the building so it won't be a problem picking up the school's wireless. The one with the wooden floors are on the other side of the building, but isn't directly above the restaurant's kitchen that is in the bottom of the building. I am going to have to go back and look at them again... I really, really like the wood floors. What if there is a huge spider on the floor and I can't see it because the carpet is that dark brown?? (Seriously, that is the only thing holding me back from that apartment.)
Anyways, so after apartment searching I walked back to campus and went up to the Alternative Energy Lab. This is where I am working on a machine project for one of the PhD students. She actually just gave her dissertation Friday, and is moving to Denmark this next week. I am inheriting this thing and will hopefully finish it by the end of the semester. I have been taking lots of pictures of my progress because I am getting credit for my work. So anyways, I worked on some stuff until about 7:30 pm. Then a friend who is in all my classes came up to the lab and we worked on homework for one of our Engineering classes. We stopped about 9:30-ish and I headed back home.
On the drive home I gave my grandmother a call. Her birthday was yesterday, Halloween. :) I hadn't had a chance to call her because I was working all day and didn't get off until late. We had a great conversation during my hour drive home, ending it right as I pulled into the driveway of my house. I love my grandmother. I wish I was able to see her more often and have long conversations with her about life, school, and the world more often too.
After I got settled in at home my phone rings again. To my surprise, it is the ex boyfriend from sin city. We always have great conversations, it usually consists of me telling him what to do and him telling me I'm right. I think they go pretty well! ;) Anyways, I hope I helped. I have this thing about fixing people... I know I can't change them all. Though my Motto should have always been: "Fixing the World, One Boyfriend at a Time"... lol. Seriously though, I use to only date those who I thought needed fixing. Ha, I guess somethings never change! Even after three years I'm still trying to help. I just really hope things eventually work out. He, like everyone, is the only person who can really change his life.
So today was not too eventful. Tomorrow I am going to put up my first wind turbine at a community college by Lincoln. I can't wait! I took lots of pictures when we put up the MET tower. I am going to take tons of pictures installing this turbine. It's good to work. When I work I keep my mind occupied and I don't focus on things that aren't going the way I want. Busy is always a good thing for me, otherwise my mind goes in about a million different directions and that's when I get my self in trouble.
Oh and I found a new quote today!
"Never look down on anybody, unless you are going to help them up."
- Rev. Jesse Jackson
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