Not Running Away... Just Moving On

So yesterday I signed the lease to my new apartment in Lincoln. It is a great little place just across the street from the university. I am pretty excited about it. I get my keys soon and will be painting and cleaning for a couple weeks before I actually move anything over there.

I have come to the realization that someone I has hoping was "the one" can't possibly be. For one thing, he doesn't even want to be with me. Lol, that is a pretty good indicator that he isn't "the one". I have deleted pretty much everything that has to do with him out of my phone and computer. Hopefully this will help me forget about him. It was a short period of time we were together, but it was just so emotionally intense for me it is impossible to explain. I don't think I have even been so ridiculously emotionally attached to anyone like that before. Since I am moving this will help tremendously. I actually decided to move after it was clear we were never going to be more than friends... We can't even really be real friends considering the fact he never wants to even see me or talk to me. Text or fb chatting is what it has all come down to now. Yep, definitely time to drop it. Wow, there ya go, poured my heart out and now everyone knows just how pathetic I really am. :P

so back to the apartment.... It is an extremely small space, but it has potential. I have great painting plans for it. This will be the first apartment I will actually paint and take the time to fix up. Any previous apartments I never really had pictures hung or much decor set up. This should be fun.

I have my Spring classes set up. I will be taking three engineering courses, 1 lab, 1 math course (hopefully the last...), and 2 online nuclear engineering courses. It should be interesting. Hopefully being so close to campus and in my own little place will help with focus and studying.

I have been reading more and more into meditation. I have been able to calm myself and stay grounded. It helps a lot. When I have my own place I will be able to take more time to relax, meditate, and breathe. There is just something about where I am now that is suffocating. A lot of things in my life have not gone how I hoped. I have dealt with them in one way or another. Recently things pretty much hit the fan. My stress levels have been horribly high and I have put so much pressure on myself that I completely failed myself and everyone else...

This entire year has been so hard. I hope next year and the year after fly by pleasantly. I'm not sure how my tolerance for failure will hold up if there is ever a repeat of this year. And I am not just talking about school. This includes friendships, relationships, work, everything! I have lost 2.5 friends this year... It has been a year of heartache. I just don't think I'll be able to make it through another year of so much of it again.

I hope everyone has a nice holiday season. I hope the New Year brings happiness to everyone. I hope the world becomes a better place tomorrow, not one anyone dreads to be in...

To New Beginnings! To the possibility of love, hope, compassion, and forgiveness!