Thanksgiving Week Begins

So today is a day of cleaning... I have to get the basement all cleaned for the entire Fam-Damily to come for Thanksgiving. I woke up feeling pretty bad this morning, I have so much to do and I am going to just kill myself this week with school and work. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I tried to get people to cover at least part of my shift for work this evening and of course, as usually no one can, or at least most of them won’t even respond to a phone call. It is funny you help out all the time covering shifts for people, and the very few times you need help absolutely no one is willing to lend a hand. I'm not a fan of most of my co-workers anymore... I'm pretty sure it is time to find a new job (Hopefully in Lincoln).

So anyways, yesterday was a pretty good day. After bell ringing for the Salvation Army with my friend and her son, I dropped them off at home and went to meet up with a couple friends for sushi. I had a great time. I love sushi, and I love just being out all day. I am definitely NOT a home-body... I have moments when I don't want to go anywhere, but that is due to being depressed, sick, or tired, not really because I like being home ever. So after I got home I stayed up for a bit and then finally fell asleep on my calculus book. That maybe why I woke up with such a horrible headache this morning. :-/

Anyways, so the rest of the day will be filled with cleaning, working, and then cleaning some more all night long, and hopefully squeeze in some more studying. I will probably be pulling an all-nighter. I am not really looking forward to that because tomorrow is going to be such a long day with classes, working in the lab, and then homework/studying with my friend.

So I'm keeping myself busy now. Things are getting pretty hectic with work and school. I am very ready for the semester to just be over with already. December will probably be long and rough with not a lot going on either than work the last half.

I have so much going on inside my head it is impossible to describe to anyone. At this moment I am wishing the entire past year had never happened... I've lost three friends this year through various events, I screwed up what could have been something really great, and I don't know how to fix it exactly. I should go around to high schools and let them know how screwed up I am and tell them to continue full-time through school so they won't end up like me. Blah, blah, blah... Bad day to be blogging!

Maybe tomorrow will be bright and sunshiny and I can blog in a positive light then. Today's messages:
1. Don't date someone you like more than they like you. Never get attached.
2. Don't take anytime off b/n H.S. and college, go straight through full-time until completed.
3. Don't expect anyone to help you out. That way if someone actually does it'll be a pleasant surprise.

It's funny because I get so upset and depressed about the way things are going then I'll read some more about Buddhism and it all seems to fade...

"it's not necessary to try to become your true self. you can't be anything else. it's impossible to be other than what we truly are - and what we are changes moment to moment. but because our tendency to grasp is so strong, it may take us some time to learn to trust and relax into our unfixed nature. ego wants to be substantial and special, and it will try to possess each new realization and insight. when ego grasps at the gains we've made, we will suffer the consequences. most of us fall into this trap many times before finally seeing that grasping is futile and admitting to ourselves, 'ah, maybe i really am zero, nothing special!' when we make practice our life, we can expect to encounter many traps and sticking places. yet we can make this an honorable part of our practice by remaining watchful and letting go each time we become stuck. by returning to zero again and again, we gradually close the gap and actualize our unfathomable true nature."

-Genpo Roshi, the path of the human being